Stay
by Ambrel
Summary: Have you ever made a mistake that just could never be fixed? Well, I did. And, well, its really hard for me to tell anyone this, much less a page in a book. But here it goes.
1. Chapter 1

Have you ever made a mistake that just could never be fixed?

Well, I did. And, well, its really hard for me to tell anyone this, much less a page in a book. But here it goes.

I remember when she first showed up. I could have sworn she was… but no, she wasn't Kikyo. She was her own person, and for a while, I hated her for it. Why did she have to be who she was? I could remember the last time I had ever seen Kikyo. To everyone else, it was a generation ago, but to me…. Well, fifty years pass pretty fast when you are in a magical torpor. It felt like I just blinked, and there I was, in another time.

You can't possibly know what it is like to lose time like that. It's like I missed out on something that everyone else had, and it's strange. I feel like I am constantly playing catch-up to everyone else. And just when I get to the point where I think I know what is going on, something comes around to throw me through a loop. I cant even get across how vulnerable that makes me and I hate to be vulnerable.

The biggest thing, though, was Kagome. Its hard to care deeply for one woman, and I am cursed to be in love with two. I know she cares-or rather, cared, for me. I know I could have turned to her completely and been happy for the rest of our lives. It makes me happy just to think about it. I mean, I could even imagine having a family with her. A family… Love, life, kids, even. And I wanted to have all that with her, I wanted it so badly.

But I promised Kikyo so many things. Big things. And I am nothing without my honor, and honor dictates following an oath, right? I did the right thing… Besides, it was a bad situation. If I don't fulfill my promise to Kikyo, then Kagome could probably never trust me to honor any promises I made to her. That would be a ringing endorsement of myself-break one promise to go after something that I simply want for selfish reasons.

Right about now, I wish I had no honor.

Well, Kagome was so patient. And caring. And kind. She never complained for her own sake when it really counted. She was the first person who cried for me with such honest eyes. I was a better person for just having known her. She was a better person period. I wanted to give her what she asked me for so much… not that she ever put voice to her feelings, but she did ask silently for one thing. Me. She never demanded.

And I was a fool to do what I did.

It wasn't any one thing, really. She would leave for her time for whatever reason and I would get lonely. Normally, I would follow her when it got to aching too much, but when I would do that… well, sometimes as I was on my way to that well, I would see those soul collectors.

And go figure. I cant stay away from Kikyo, no matter how much I try to force myself to do so. I knew it was wrong to keep seeing her but… well, its hard when you still love someone, even when you love someone else more. And its not exactly easy to fall out of love. Remember what I said about fifty years in the blink of an eye? When I went under the spell, I still loved her. And when I came back to myself, I loved her just the same. And Kagome had this tendency to come back at the most awkward of times. I swear, I never meant it to look the way it did when she saw us. Each time I saw Kikyo, I was working closer and closer to forfeiting my self worth and honor in order to run to Kagome's arms.

Kagome… well, Kagome, I loved differently than Kikyo. More. Infuriatingly. She brought out my anger, my fear, and my hunger. I don't think I love Kikyo any less, but Kagome had me by the strings almost from the beginning. I really think she would have taken me had I offered myself soon enough, regardless of whether I broke my promise.

It all sort of built up. I mean, my repeated rendezvous at night with Kikyo, even though nothing happened between us, was really the thing that made it culminate. I would get defensive, Kagome got mad. She would storm off after a fight with me, and I would tell her to remain in her own time where she belonged. I never meant it though. And I think she knew that. She would cool off after a while and I would too, and soon enough it was as it had always been.

Then Kikyo would show up and there it started, all over again.

Well, I guess that somehow she had finally had enough. And she left. It was different this time, though. No yelling. No fights. She simply bade everyone goodbye one night after our evening meal and walked toward the well. I followed, of course. I yelled… I don't remember what I said. The thing I really remember was her face when she looked back at me. Her eyes were threatening to overflow with tears and her cheeks were ruddy with held in emotion.

Like I said, I cant remember what I said, but I do remember what she told me.

"I'm going home, Inuyasha. I'm going."

I think I tried to get her to stop. I must have said something like I was going to follow her, or bring her back. And this is when she shook her head and I saw some of those tears fall free. I don't think I will ever forget her next words.

"No, Inuyasha. You stay. I'm done. I cant do this anymore, and I have to go. I have to go. I don't have the strength to do this twice. Please don't follow me." She scrubbed angrily at her eyes but her voice was all defeat. "Stay."

After that, all there was in that clearing was a fading blue light and I could have sworn I saw jagged pieces of myself in the refraction. I cracked, I think. I don't know how I got to where I am now, but I found myself here at the hut. Normally, I would be ashamed to admit that I was sobbing like a child when I came to, but not this time. I know Kaede was here but the others had gone to do whatever it is they do when we are at the village. I must have been crouched on the floor of the hut for hours, insensible to the world.

I don't even know who might have seen me. I don't even care at this point. Sometime during my pain a sheaf of paper appeared along with ink and a pen. I think Kaede might have been responsible. I don't know what made me start writing this. I will probably burn it when I am done. My weakness is my own to bear. And I don't need another failure to add to my list.

I don't think I should have even written this down.

OOO

Inuyasha put the pen down beside the paper with deliberate precision. To those who did not know him, he looked composed and serene, but any of his companions would have been able to see the red tint to the sclera of his eyes and the minute quiver that attacked his lip every now and then. With a grunt of effort so light it was inaudible, he came up from his crouch and looked around. He was in the center of the floor, alone and half dressed, the red pants his only thing covering his modesty. His eyes flickered over to the fire that burned in a tiny lamp that Kaede, once again, must have laid out for him while he was not himself.

He took a step toward it, but as he moved he felt exhaustion overwhelm his body. His eyes drooped and his shoulders sagged. The emotional drain was becoming too much for an already overstressed young man.

He let himself collapse back down by the paper. Amber eyes closed of their own accord. "I'll take care of you when I wake up," he murmured sluggishly at the papers, and then knew only the darkness of sleep.

A pair of bright eyes peered in from the flap that served as the door. Their gaze landed on the paper on the floor beneath the spill of silver hair.

There was a rustle as the owner of the eyes passed quietly through the entrance. A light crackle as the paper was lifted. Then there was no noise in the room but the silent breathing of the half demon as he fell so deeply asleep that he could not have known that his secret had just walked out of the room.

OOO

Should I continue? I wrote this listening to the song "Stay" by Sugarland. It didn't come out the way I thought it would, because it was supposed to be an angsty one-shot. I suppose it could standalone but I also think it could continue.

Also, I wrote this up in about 30 minutes so I know some of it has to feel rushed. And one day I will go back to working on my original novel….

Any comments?

Again, thank you for taking the time to read it.


	2. Chapter 2

There were several reasons that Inuyasha didn't cry. Aside from the obvious, he hated the gritty, gummy feeling of his eyes afterward. Then the fact that crying oneself to sleep could make for a stuffy nose and headache in the morning, and worse, it could force him to sleep with his mouth open and result in hair that was stiff and slightly sticky with dried drool.

It was almost outside his realm of experience, waking up this way.

He dashed a hand across his face, wincing at the pull of his hair and then scrubbed at his gooey eyes. He sniffled, sneezed, and blew his nose on a sheet that had somehow appeared over him in the night. Then, having woken up as much as he could in the few seconds of activity, he looked around.

Still in the same spot on the ground. The bottle of ink lay near him, overturned and soaking into the floor. The pen had gotten soaked by the ink. He started looking about more frantically. It was missing. He could barely remember writing it, but it was missing. Inuyasha leaped to his feet with a vigor that had not been in him before. He sniffed around the hut, trying to pick up a scent but much to his dismay, his stuffy nose from his breakdown last night wouldn't let him smell anything, much less a scent that was at least a night old. There were no tracks that he could discern, but that meant nothing. It wasn't hard to conceal footprints.

Bursting out of the flap in the front of the hut, he nearly tripped over Kaede. Performing a rather impressive impromptu vault, midair turn, and semi-graceful landing, he stared with wide amber eyes at the little old woman. "Where is it?!"

Kaede groaned and heaved herself up on one elbow. "Where is what, child? Have you no manners? Not only do you take over my home for a night, but then you kick me awake and start howling at me like a beast? Grow some sense in ye!"

At her first words, Inuyasha had already turned and gathered himself to sprint somewhere else. Where, he did not know, but who ever had that paper when he found him would be in for a beating, that was for certain. But before he could move, something caught his eye. Sitting there, at the end of the pathway from Kaede's home, was a yellow splash of color. He was stopping almost before he had started to run. Could it be?

It was. "Kagome's backpack?" He asked himself doubtfully. Poking through it, he couldn't deny it. Inside were her normal things, like leftover pens and paper from her time, some snacks, and bandages. Lots and lots of bandages. "What the hell?"

Having stopped to look at the bag, he actually took the time to notice other things. Like the white flutter in the distance. His heart leapt and so did he, bounding for it with barely restrained enthusiasm. The excitement was short lived; the cloth was simply what had to be Kagome's spare shirt that she sometimes kept at Kaede's place. He sniffed again, brow wrinkling in irritation as he dragged a deep breath through his abused sinuses. He must have had a really rough night… too bad he couldn't remember most of it. He clutched the cloth in his hand, staring at it as it flapped half-heartedly in the waning breeze.

"What's up Inuyasha?"

One of the half-demon's ears flicked towards the voice in recognition of Shippo's presence before straightening out again. "None of your business, runt. Leave."

"Where's Kagome?"

"What, am I her keeper?"

"Well, she left yesterday. Its usually your fault. I was just figuring you were on your way to go get her."

"If its so damn important, you go get her. I'm done." He could almost HEAR his heart squeeze as he echoed Kagome's words of the night before. _I'm done…_

"Done doing what?" Shippo persisted.

"Leave me alone! Just… go away! Go swimming, go play, go somewhere else! Just get out of my hair!" With that, he was off again, though more of a stormy walk than a frantic sprint.

Inuyasha needed to cool off. He needed to go somewhere. Think for a while. He let his feet wander aimlessly. The greenery passed with little impression, save his constant watch for danger.

He messed up this time… big time. But it wasn't like he had actually _done_ anything. He was just having a normal day, normal insults, normal rest at the village… and she up and left. But why?

He hadn't visited the other priestess in quite some time. In fact, it had been over a month. He couldn't even remember Kikyo's name coming up in conversation. And all of a sudden, Kagome decided she had had enough. _I'm done, _she had said, _I have to go._

Why did she have to go?

_Stay._

She told him to stay. Like she could order him around. Like she had a hold on him. She told him to do something and for some reason, this time, expected him to follow her order without the threat of a well placed sit, it seemed. She didn't want him anymore. Did she ever really want him at all?

_Stay._

And he did. He could have gone off to her last night. He could have brought her back. He could have followed her. He very nearly had. Inuyasha wasn't one to take rejection badly, simply because he never really got rejected by someone he cared about. This was different, though. He had the sheer physical ability to make her come back. He could have even stopped her from leaving. Being sat didn't phase him much, aside from the wind being knocked out of him, and he was under no illusion that he could have forced her to remain at the hut that night.

But… she didn't want him.

He thought back on the whole exchange, wondering to himself what he might have done that night. It had actually been a very good night, as far as he was concerned. No shards, but Shippo had kept his mouth shut and Kagome had just come back home from her time bearing all sorts of tasty treats for everyone. He had even gone out of his way NOT to complain about her cooking. The only annoyance of the night was that Kagome smelled like all those weird fruity soaps that she used all the time in her era, and he hated it when she masked her scent like that.

"What did I do?" He murmured to himself in a low whisper. He leaned his head against the smooth bark of a tree, and then looked up.

The sacred tree. Who would have thought he would aim his footsteps here? Only a few short strides from that well. The one that he was probably never going to enter again.

_Stay._

_I don't have the strength to do this twice._

Inuyasha blinked. If she despised him, why did she say that? Why did she seem so afraid he would resist her? Didn't she realize that every time she broke down and wanted to go home, no matter how annoyed he was, he would always let her? Every time! He couldn't say no. Even when he did, he usually ended up rolling over and letting her do as she pleased.

She was so good to everyone. It enchanted him. She was everything to everyone. Shippo's guardian, Miroku's friend, Sango's confidant… his best friend, though he would never tell anyone that.

He never told her. Is that why she left him? Did she think that he felt so little for her?

But she left everyone. If she ever appeared back in the feudal era, he would be the first to know. She knew that. So she would never be able to come back on the sly and visit with the two humans. Or Shippo, even… He would know the instant she appeared. There was no way she could get one over on him. Well, except now, with his nose all stuffy from the past night's events. But that was bound to clear up soon. But she didn't have it in her to be sneaky like that. She was honestly, beautifully, straightforwardly direct, especially in dealing with him.

At the same time, if she couldn't face telling him goodbye a second time, why did she leave in the first place?

_I'm going home._

But home in his time… or rather, it was.

Without Kagome's presence, Inuyasha felt something he had not experienced in a long, long time. He was homesick. This time, it was worse than those times when she only left for a short period. This time, it was more of a gaping hole in his sense of self, rather than the small seeping cut in his pride.

"What did I do?" He asked again, staring at the tree.

The tree, wise as it was, held no answer for him.

OOO

Kagome sighed again. It was the fifth week since she and Hojo had started seeing each other steadily. Five weeks since she had become the envy of most of the girls in her school. Five weeks of carnival rides, movies, and walks in the park. Five weeks of gifts and Hojo's gushing admiration.

Five weeks since she had last seen Inuyasha.

Kagome shied away from that line of thinking as the car she and Hojo were riding in pulled up to the sidewalk outside of a nice sized apartment villa. Hojo stepped out and gallantly opened the door for his girlfriend, holding out a hand to ease her way to the sidewalk.

"I know they will love you, Kagome. I'm just glad you are well enough to come. My parents are so excited to meet you, after all I have told them about you!"

Kagome smiled and waved to the car. Her mom smiled back from within, then checked her mirrors and pulled away from the curb. "I can't wait to meet them myself, Hojo. I'm so sorry I kept getting sick all the time. I should be better now. My doctor says that relapses should be rare, if any at all."

"Well, you know that if you ever need anything, I'll always be here for you, Kagome."

"That's sweet. Thank you."

Hojo gently took her by the arm and guided her into the front of the building. His place was in the first floor. As he opened the door, the entire clan seemed set to meet her with identical smiles plastered across their faces. Kagome's face froze up into a rictus grin in response. _Wow… the entire family looks exactly like their ancestor…_

The night went well, with polite food, pleasant conversation, and welcoming company. Kagome found that she enjoyed herself when she let her mind wander. Hojo's family was contemporary, but traditional all the same, and towards the end of the night she found herself sitting cross legged on the floor with Hojo's arm loose around her shoulders. Most of the other family had joined them and they were all sitting at the feet of Hojo's great, great grandfather. Like everyone else, he had an invitingly pleasant demeanor.

"What story shall I tell today, my little ones?" The old man asked with a crinkly grin.

"Tell us about the red man," shouted one of the smaller children.

"Oh dear, isn't that a bit dreary for our first meeting with our new guest?" murmured Hojo's mother with a frown.

"I think its ok, mom. Kagome lives at a temple, after all. She probably already knows the story. As a matter of fact, I bet she probably knows even more stories than grandpa! Kagome, would you like to tell a story when he is done?"

"Oh, I don't know… Maybe. I'll see."

Hojo smiled, satisfied, and drew her closer as the old grandfather began his tale.

"Once upon a time, long before anyone in this room existed-"

"Even you, grandpapa?"

"Yes, long before even I was born, there was a young man. We call him the red man, because that was what he wore. He was a fierce warrior, able to fell a thousand demons with a single swing of his blade. He fought for the good of all, striving to eradicate the traces of evil from this world. Day after day, he saved towns and castles with his group of loyal retainers. His eye was bright and his spirit even brighter. It was said that the red man could never fall.

'But like any man, he had secrets. His was a very large secret, and hard to bear alone, but bear it he did, because without his strength, many others would perish. Such is the life of the powerful. You see, children, the demons he slew were reflections of himself. He was outwardly a man, but inside, his heart was a demon. He was in a constant struggle to remain in control of the evil that gripped him, and it was hard.

'One day, while the red man was out in the woods near his home, he met a young girl. Instantly, he fell in love with her. She seemed to love him too, and traveled with him, far and wide, all across Japan. She would patch him up after his many heroic battles. She could seemingly heal him with her touch, and he jokingly called her his priestess. Every now and then, he would hint toward his demonic heritage, but he never said anything directly.

'Little did he know, the girl really was a priestess. She had been sent to determine the red man's source of power, as it seemed an act of the gods for one man to be so endowed.

As time wore on, the red man grew more and more comfortable with the girl. She was taken further into his confidence, and soon enough, she was told the secret that he never even told his retainers. He told her that he was of demonic origin, and that the good he did was to atone for his accident of birth.

'He fell asleep with the priestess in his arms, but when he awoke the next morning, he found her to be gone. He looked and looked, but the girl was no where to be seen.

'It is said that the red man shut himself in his hut for hours, but what he did in there, no one knew. All that is known after that night is that he seemed to give up. He no longer went adventuring. No more did he slay the demons that plagued the land. According to the writings of one of his retainers, he would periodically comb through the forests in search of the girl but the set of his features each day made it known to all that she was not to be found. It was almost as though she had cast a spell that removed her existence from the earth, for the red man could track anything that had a scent. And so the red man faded from history, never to be heard from again.

'Some think that he may still be alive today, as he was born a demonic entity, but many others say he must have died of a broken heart."

During the story, Kagome's mood had shifted from jovial and happy, taking a violent turn for shock, upset, and eventually nauseous. She gripped Hojo's arm.

"Kagome, are you alright?"

"I… don't feel so good. Hojo, I think I need to go home. Can you call my mom for me?"

"Don't be silly, honey. I'll drive you back to the shrine," said Hojo's mother, overhearing. "Hojo said you had just recovered. I'm so sorry if we overextended you. Come along."

The ride back to the shrine was uneventful, but Kagome kept staring out at the darkening day. The moon was rising, whole and round and white as Inuyasha's hair. Tears slid down her face with little regard for the light makeup she wore. Hojo's mother reached across and patted her arm. "It's alright, honey. Things like this happen. Don't let it embarrass you. We were all glad to have you over for the day. Oh, I knew the story wasn't a good one to tell a guest."

"No, ma'am. It's not that. It's… something else."

The car eventually drew close to the shrine's steps. Kagome let herself out, declining an escort to the door, and started on her way up. She lingered outside the door to the well.

_I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. I've done so well in the past few weeks. I cant go back…_

She put her hand on the door.

_I'll just look. That's all. I'll just look at the well and make sure everything is as it should be._

She let herself in and turned on her pocket flashlight, which she had taken to carrying with her. Nothing had changed. It was a little dusty in there, but that was normal. A few short steps saw her down to the mouth of the well, and she peered inside.

"See?" She asked herself, "Nothing. No one has gone through the well at all. Nothing…"

She leaned further for a better view. There was something on the ground. It was rolled up and she could see something glittering in the wax that held it closed. It was… paper?

Kagome climbed down the well, knowing she was not going to visit the past. She no longer had jewel shards to help he through. Walking over to the paper, she picked it up. It was too dark in the well to read it, so with trepidation she took the scroll to her room.

Once upstairs, she broke the wax. The glittering she saw imbedded in it was a jewel shard! In confusion, she unrolled the scroll. Inside it, was a small scroll with a small preface scrawled in blurry ink.

"Kagome-

I just thought you might want to read this.

-A friend."

She stared at it for a moment, wondering who must have written that paper. Sango knew how to write, and so did Miroku. As for Shippo… she had no idea. Kagome set it aside. Perhaps the other paper would clarify things.

_**Have you ever made a mistake that just could never be fixed?**_ it began, the letters bold, brash, and thick. _**Well, I did.**_

****

OOO

I suppose I should take a moment to clarify: I'm not done yet. I just havent written the rest.


End file.
